Just got home and very tired. very. very. very. In addition of the senggugut, i can barely stand.
So yeah, im very stress. very very very again. Exam is next week. I've read everything but i keep on having the feeling of unprepared. Ustad wont specify on what topic so we have to read everything. Yeaah. I read everything but remember everything ? Not yet.
Sejarah, done chapter 1. Chapter two to go. I think chapter two is way too long and kinda hard to remember, but i think i can make it :/ OH WAIT, I SURELY CAN.
90% done about science. Just a little bit here and there.
Maths :/ Im glad this test wont have the Indices topic or i'll be dead meat. Still trying my best to cope with that topic. But yeah, am trying my best to understand circles very well, especially when it comes to cyclic. Hope i wont be having much problems with that.
KH KH KH KH AMAGAAAAD. The most worrying subject ever. how to memorise everything ? the name, components, symbols, functions, power, calculation. God, please help me.
Other than that, im stressed about the exam. The past is haunting me. I feel so phobia. Tak cuak sangat kalau tak ingat ke apa ke. Tapi lagi cuak kalau fobia. I feel like i cant do it. I can feel the pressure. From the teachers, the principal and pk hems and from my mum. The most stressful thing ever is,
The pressure from myself. I keep on losing the confidence i built. After studying or when i've done my revision, i feel that i can do it. I know i can answer the questions. But when the teachers remind us of this and that, of the past, of the consequences we're going to pay if shits happen, that definitely scares me to death. and BOOM, I LOST MY CONFIDENCE.
If its easy to build, i dont mind. Keep on losing my confidence as much as you want. But it aint easy ! I tell you, IT IS NOT EASY !!!!!!!! I keep on talking to myself, what will happen if i dont get this and that ? What will i do ? How can I survive ? Will I stay alive ? Will I stay strong to keep on going with life ? Will i stay strong to face everyone ? Will i stay strong to face my mother ? & the most important this is, will i stay strong to keep on staying strong ?
Where can i find that strong and guts when i dont even have confidence ?
Right now, this very moment, i feel like i could close my eyes and turn back time. If only i could change back everything and not acting stupid, i wont be facing this situation now. I wont be having this type of feeling. I wont be feeling like im the stupidest girl on earth. like im the troublemaker in my family.
or at least, i could close my eyes forever.
p/s : is trying my best to handle this tough moment. Please Fatin, you have to stay strong, no matter what. Just believe in yourself, eventhough the slightest bit.
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