Along the journey

Hey, its just me & my 3 am thoughts.


I've always came across the kind of reasons-to-be-happy lists, where there goes all valid reasons to be happy despite who you are or what situation you're facing. Smile at strangers, dont expect anything, say thank you a lot, have a cup of tea and the list goes on and on and on. They say be happy for no reason, because if you're happy for a reason then you're in trouble, as the reasons might be taken away.

But have you ever wondered, those people who are stuck in depression and sadness, did it happen on their choice? Did they chose to be that way?


Obviously, no. In life, yes, we'll stumble upon few hardships here and there, battles of decisions and fights between heart and mind, but despite all that, nobody chooses to live in sadness and depression. It is a kind of situation that can be considered as a reality nightmare, because the sadness just struck you in the heart and there you are, lying on the floor helplessly waiting to be okay. That kind of feelings where you know you cant runaway, not even to sleep and dream away because you are in the state of not being able to differentiate between reality and dreams; both are the same. At times, I do feel afraid of being happy because the minute I'm happy, I know things will be taken away sooner or later. The question of time doesnt matter, as we know the fear of losing the happiness is firm enough.

I was happy, for few months. I got too happy and excited, that it seems like the world only revolves around me and mi amor, and it came up to the point where I dont want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than dreams. But then again, who am I trying to fool...? Happiness was taken away and I fell back into that deep hole of sadness; dark and cold. To point it out, that is my current state now.



My point is, depression hurt in all levels and no, I didnt choose to be this way. I chose something different, but things dont always work out my way.