Bizarre.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

pointless rant

people change and people grow
need to find their way along the road
dont wanna cause you pain but you should know
well that it's time for me to go

I dont know.. I think the most terrible thing anyone could ever do is to love someone and promise them forever, but their forever was in a period of time and all of sudden they wake up not feeling the same kind of love anymore and they just walk away, and the shittiest part of it all was they came back only to see the damage they've done and to walk away again later on. how did it become so easy? since when was loving for nothing became a trend? how could you love someone so bad today and act like a total stranger tomorrow?

i gotta fly fly fly away, a pair of broken wings cant make me stay.

broken and damaged is all i'll ever be. i suck in being happy, i suck in relationships, i suck in keeping things strong, i suck in hoping, i suck in practically everything. really. even the black colour is not enough to represent my soul. the pain i feel is something that cannot be escaped no matter how hard i try, no matter how far i run away, i keep finding myself back to square one and just, broken. yeah sure i told myself to stop hoping, to make the best out of everything and not to depend on others to be happy but shit screw all that, i'll never be happy. happiness wasnt meant for me. i am not destined to be happy and God never decided a path in my life that leads to happiness. all i am is a dark and broken sould wandering around trying to live everyday eventhough it hurts and it felt as if i was drying but no i'm not and i just wake up every morning finding the strength to keep on surviving the days with no strength left at all. people make fake promises, and utter sweet words and i voluntarily and helplessly believing everything eventhough i know it will lead to nowhere but another broken and depressed phase. this cycle wont stop repeating, i request for no help because whenever someone tries to come near me, all i'm good at is pushing people away so dont even bother trying to save me because sweetie pie,

i'm already dead inside.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

#YayaInTheKitchen

#YayaInTheKitchen? Okay poyo gila but whatever hahaha. So anyways, today is Sunday and yes as usual, it is cooking day! Usually mum would be the only one cooking delicious dishes and we'll be the one helping, but since I am on my sem break for two freaking months and I thought, might as well use the time I have now to learn how to cook traditional malay dishes, because I've been spending my time in the kitchen for baking only.

& yep, I cooked chicken kurma along with kacang buncis & tauhu jepun. I DID IT *fireworks*

Orang kata dah ada ilmu jangan la kedekut, ye idok? Haaa meh nak share resepi lauk ayam kurma & sayur kacang buncis tauhu jepun.

So bahan bahan yang digunakan:

Ayam
1/2 kg santan
Daun kari (dua batang//mengikut citarasa sendiri)
bawang putih & bawang merah siap kisar
3 biji kentang
Kayu manis, bunga cengkih, jintan, buah pelaga
Serbuk kurma
Minyak
Air masak

Cara cara memasak ayam kurma:

Panaskan minyak, kemudian masukkan kesemua daun kari yang nak dipakai.
Tumis kayu manis, bunga cengkih, biji pelaga & jintan.
Lepas tu, masukkan dua sudu bawang putih dan dua sudu bawang merah. Tumis sampai naik aroma.
Kemudian, masukkan 6 sudu serbuk kurma ke dalam mangkuk dan campurkan dengan air. Kacau hingga sebati.
Bila dah pasti aroma dah naik, masukkan campuran serbuk kurma tadi ke dalam periuk. Gaulkan dan pastikan takde yang terkumpul.
Masukkan ayam sebanyak mana nak, nak masuk dua ekor pun boleh :p
Masukkan kentang yang telah dipotong empat.
Masukkan santan. Ni takde sukatan yang pasti, mengikut citarasa masing masing juga. Kalau suka pekat, lebihkan lah santan. Kalau suka cair, kurangkan santan.
Gaulkan sehingga sebati, kemudian tambah air dalam 1 gelas setengah/2 gelas.
Tambah garam secukup rasa! Kalau rasa lauk tu tawar leweh, tambah lagi garam.
Tunggu je sehingga masak/kentang lembut/ayam fully masak! Settle!

Sungguh aku tak pernah rasa senang macam ni masak ayam kurma. Kahkah.

Okay sekarang, bahagian sayur pulak! Yum yum lapar pulak rasanya tengok masakan sendiri. Ngehehe maaf, takde unsur riak disitu :>

Bahan bahan yang diperlukan:

Kacang buncis
2 paket tauhu jepun
3 ulas bawang putih
1 biji bawang merah
Cili besar
Sos tiram

Cara cara memasak:

Panaskan minyak dan tumiskan bawang putih dan bawang merah.
Agak agak dah coklat kekuningan, masukkan cili.
Lepastu, terus masukkan sayur kacang buncis & tutup menggunakan penutup periuk. Proses ni untuk layurkan sayur tapi aku tutup sekejap je, sebab taknak sayur tu layur sangat. Crunchy crunchy sikit lagi sedap yums.
Masukkan lebih kurang 2 sudu sos tiram.
Gaulkan bagi sebati, tambah garam secukup rasa juga! Tapi ni tak sebanyak lauk ayam kurma la hehe.
Dalam kuali lain, goreng dua paket tauhu jepun tadi sampai kulit dia nampak rangup. Lepastu asingkan dalam pinggan. Tunggu sejuk, terus potong potong mengikut saiz/bentuk yang disukai.
Tutup api, transfer sayur tadi ke dalam mangkuk lauk. Lepastu susun lah tauhu jepun atas sayur tu ala ala MasterChef dapur sendiri hehehe. Siap! :>

Alhamdulillah, settle dua lauk simple. Lepas ni kalau kebulur kat rumah, takyah risau dah hehe. Alright, tunggu ahad minggu depan pula untuk next session of #YayaInTheKitchen! Minggu depan kita masak nasi ayam pulak okay ;)

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Along the journey

Hey, its just me & my 3 am thoughts.

I've always came across the kind of reasons-to-be-happy lists, where there goes all valid reasons to be happy despite who you are or what situation you're facing. Smile at strangers, dont expect anything, say thank you a lot, have a cup of tea and the list goes on and on and on. They say be happy for no reason, because if you're happy for a reason then you're in trouble, as the reasons might be taken away.

But have you ever wondered, those people who are stuck in depression and sadness, did it happen on their choice? Did they chose to be that way?

Obviously, no. In life, yes, we'll stumble upon few hardships here and there, battles of decisions and fights between heart and mind, but despite all that, nobody chooses to live in sadness and depression. It is a kind of situation that can be considered as a reality nightmare, because the sadness just struck you in the heart and there you are, lying on the floor helplessly waiting to be okay. That kind of feelings where you know you cant runaway, not even to sleep and dream away because you are in the state of not being able to differentiate between reality and dreams; both are the same. At times, I do feel afraid of being happy because the minute I'm happy, I know things will be taken away sooner or later. The question of time doesnt matter, as we know the fear of losing the happiness is firm enough.

I was happy, for few months. I got too happy and excited, that it seems like the world only revolves around me and mi amor, and it came up to the point where I dont want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than dreams. But then again, who am I trying to fool...? Happiness was taken away and I fell back into that deep hole of sadness; dark and cold. To point it out, that is my current state now.

My point is, depression hurt in all levels and no, I didnt choose to be this way. I chose something different, but things dont always work out my way.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Through ups and downs

Alhamdulillah, sem one foundation is finally over. Didnt get the chance to update through every single thing though, so I'll just compile everything in a post ((full of pictures obviously.))

I still remember the first day I stepped into Uitm, with no expectations of what kind of room will I get, or how will my roommates be, or how friendly my classmates are. I seriously expected nothing, and thats when I realise that what people have been saying is true. Expect nothing, then you wont get hurt. Turns out the room was great, it was spacious with only four people per room, my roommates were amazingly amazing though we had few misunderstandings here and there and the most important part of all was, my classmates were all so cool and happening and seriously, undescribeable.

My classmates were the reasons why I go to classes everyday. My classmates were the reason why I never wanna skip even a single class. My classmates were the reason why I survived part of pre law school. My classmates were the reason why I never gave up on law, no matter how tough the journey gets or no matter how low my self esteem gets. Yes, LWP01G were the ultimate reason why my life in uitm is a worth living for.

& to top it all, the presence of my girlfriends are like the ribbon to a present, that ties everything together and make sure the present looks perfect and nice. I dont know if thats a metaphore or... blurgh my point is, my girlfriends would be the reason why I get excited waking up in the morning. They're the reason to my smiles and laughters and even a single simple thing could crack us up till we go nuts. We practically did everything together; from shower to meals to classes to gossips to eyeing up degree students (MasyaAllah sisters) to joggings to staying up at night to movies together and to many more uncountable memories.

Funny, how in just 4 months, in just a short period of time, I could get so attached to these people. But ey, carpe diem. :)

So here's a pile of pictures to make this post longer teehee!